Office Jokes And Humor - 4

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in a week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's your excuse this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river (look, my suit's still damp), ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

To: All Personnel
Subject: Absenteeism
It has become necessary for us to review some of our policies, due to frequent absenteeism of our employees.
The following changes are in effect as of today:
Sickness: NO EXCUSE....We will no longer accept your Doctor's statement of proof, and we believe that if you are able to go to the Doctor, you are able to come to work.
Death:(OTHER THAN YOUR OWN)....This is no excuse. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else with a lesser position can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to let you off one hour early, provided that your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.
Leave of Absence: (FOR AN OPERATION)....We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation, as we believe as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.
Death: (YOUR OWN)....This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like two weeks notice. We feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.
Also, too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00 to 8:15, "B" will go from 8:15 to 8:30, and so on. If you are unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again.

Boss: Why were you late for work this morning?
Employee: I overslept.
Boss: You mean you sleep at home as well?

Why is it the boss is always in early when you're late, and late when you're early?