Office Jokes And Humor - 3

An executive - someone who can take a two hour lunch break any day of the week without being missed.

What some people in this office lack in intelligence, they more than make up for in stupidity.

I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I just wanted pay checks.

I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.

I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

I pretend to work.
They pretend to pay me.

An optimist is a man who marries his secretary and believes that he'll be able to carry on dictating to her.

Office Boy: The boss is starting to take notice of me.
Secretary: How's that?
Office Boy: This morning he asked me if I worked here.

An interoffice soccer game was held once a year between the marketing and support staff of one company. The support staff beat the marketing department by ten goals to one.
To show just how the marketing department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the notice board after the game:
"The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the 2007 Soccer Season, we came in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year. The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game."

Which is better - being in prison or working in an office?
In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8'x 10' cell.
In the office you spend most of your time in a 6'x 8'cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day.
In the office you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
In prison you get time off for good behavior.
In the office you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
In the office you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison you can watch TV and play games.
In the office you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
In the office you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
In the office you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
In prison you spend most of your life looking through the bars from the inside wanting to get out.
In the office you spend your time wanting to get out and inside bars.
In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
In the office there are some programs you can never get out of.
In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic.
In the office we have managers.