Jokes & Funny Stories - Restaurants & Food - 3

Waiter: Are you the filleted mackerel, sir?
Customer: No, I'm the lonely sole with an empty plaice waiting for someone to fillet.

"Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?"
"Oh dear, now the chef has no meat to put in your entree!"

Customer: You must have a new person washing the plates.
Waiter: How did you know that?
Customer: Because the fingerprints on the plates are different from the last time I was here.

Customer: Waiter, you haven't given me a teaspoon with my cup of tea.
Waiter: Sorry sir we have run out of them. But I can tell the orchestra to play something stirring.

"Waiter! There's a dead spider in my soup."
"Yes I know, sir. It's the heat that kills them."

Customer: Waiter, can I have some undercooked chips, some gooey, cold beans and a fried egg coated in old grease?
Waiter: I'm sorry sir, but we couldn't possibly serve you anything like that.
Customer: Why not? That's what you served me yesterday.

Customer: Waiter, what's your name?
Waiter: George, but everyone calls me pool cue.
Customer: Why do they call you that?
Waiter: Because I work much better with a tip.

Waiter: But sir you asked me to bring you weak tea.
Customer: Yes I asked for weak tea, but this stuff is not weak its helpless.

Angry Customer: You're not fit to serve a pig.
Waiter: I'm doing my best sir.

Customer: Waiter, this chicken has no wishbone.
Waiter: Well sir, he was such a happy and contented chicken he had nothing to wish for.