Christmas Jokes And Humor - 3

The Crist family worked at a zoo. Each year they predicted the general luck and overall mood of the year by watching the the gnu. If the gnu's ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen. But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that an unlucky or very unhappy year was sure to come. One year it was young Mary's turn to "survey" the animal and come up with the prediction. It was her first time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to take the key to the cage. She was late in coming to check on the gnu. Well, she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in fact it was quite good.
To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later: MARY CRIST MISSES AN HAPPY GNU'S EAR!

Ma and Pa always made a great ritual out of dinner - Ma brought out her freshly baked loaves of home-made bread, and Pa would carefully carve them into regular, even slices. Every night, the family would sit around the table nodding with approval as Pa displayed his skill with the knife, barely leaving a crumb as he divided up the loaves. As the years went by, the kids would all chip in and buy Pa a new knife every few Christmases. Each time, they got him a larger, sharper, better knife. Pa could put a couple of loaves side-by-side and with one pass of his knife, create several even slices of Ma's bread. Finally, one Christmas, the kids really outdid themselves. They got Pa such a fine knife that tears sprang to his eyes as he opened the package.
Holding it aloft, he reverently exclaimed, "I never thought that I'd own a four-loaf cleaver!"

One Christmas, a camping supplies store was having a sale and the assistant manager suggested the following advertising slogan - "Now is the winter offer-discount tents."

What did the big Christmas cracker say to the little Christmas cracker?
My pop's bigger than your pop.

What's your father getting for Christmas?
Bald and fat.

Teacher: Who can tell me where Turkey is?
Pupil: We ate ours last Christmas, Miss.

He's not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.

What do you call a vampire Father Christmas?
Sack-u-la.

Who carries a sack and bites people?
Santa Jaws.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Fanta.
Fanta who?
Fanta Claus.