Jokes About Children

Mummy, mummy, are your hands so soft and lovely because of the washing-up liquid that you use?
No darling, I don't use washing-up liquid. My hands are soft and lovely because the servants do the all the housework.

Grandmother: Eat up all your greens or you'll never grow up to be beautiful.
Granddaughter: Was there a shortage of greens went you were young?

A youngster was looking at the family photo album and asked his mother, "Who's the slim young man on the beach with you with lots of muscles and curly hair?"
"That's your father."
"Then who's the old bald-headed fat man that lives with us now?

How do you get your children to take a bath?
Tell them it's practice for the pool.
The next day how do you get them out of the pool?
Throw in a bar of soap!

Children's answers
People go about Venice in gorgonzolas.
The Tropic of Cancer is a rare and dangerous disease.
An executive is the man who puts murderers to death.
A tantrum is a bicycle for a man and his wife.

A father took his young son to the opera for the first time. The conductor started waving the baton, and the soprano began her aria.
The boy watched everything intently and finally asked: "Why is he hitting her with his stick?"
"He's not hitting her," answered the father with a chuckle.
"Well, then," asked the boy, "why is she screaming?"