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Jokes about Car Drivers - 1

Here is our selection of jokes about cars and car drivers.

This is page 1 of 2.

George: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests.
Doctor: Never mind, I'm sure you'll pass eventually.
George: But you don't understand. I'm the examiner.

A man was out driving when he saw a police car in his rear-view mirror, with it's siren wailing. The man pulled over and the police car stopped behind him.
The policeman approached the man's car and said to him: "Do you know that your wife fell out of the car five miles back?"
The man replied: "Oh thank God! I thought I had gone deaf!"

Why are company cars so popular? The reason seems to be that they have special features not found in private automobiles.
1. They travel faster in all gears, especially reverse.
2. They accelerate at a phenomenal rate.
3. They have a much shorter braking distance.
4. They have a much tighter turning radius.
5. They can go over bumps at twice the speed of private cars.
6. Oil and tires pressures and battery and water levels do not need to be checked nearly so often.
7. The floor is shaped just like an ashtray.
8. They only burn the highest price gas.
9. They do not have to be garaged at night.
10. They can be driven up to 100 miles with the oil warning light on.
11. They need cleaning less often, especially inside.
12. The suspension is reinforced to enable concrete slabs, heavy building materials, and furniture to be carried.
13. They have been specially modified to allow reverse to be engaged while the car is still moving forward.
14. The tire walls are designed for bumping into and over curbs.
15. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by the adjustment of the radio volume control.
16. No security is needed. They may be left anywhere, unlocked, with the keys in the ignition.
17. The wiper blades are equipped with a magnetic device which attracts parking tickets. These tickets are great for cleaning windows, wiping up grease or oil spots, and stuffing holes in the upholstery.
18. Even minor mechanical repairs take at least a week to fix, making it necessary to rent a car - usually a Porsche 928S.
19. They are programmed to self-destruct a 60,000 miles, which ensures that the driver will have a new car every 2 years.

Car Driver (telephoning after he has had an accident) - Send help at once, I've turned turtle.
Mechanic: This is a garage not a pet shop.

He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.


You totaled your car...
and can't remember why...
could it have been...
that case of Bud Dry?

A man in his 40's bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 90 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a Merecedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 100, 110.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

Policeman: I stopped you because you were doing over fifty miles an hour.
Motorist: That's impossible, I've been driving for less than an hour.

What do you call a country where everyone drives pink cars?
A pink car nation.

Did you hear about the motorist who always drove his car in reverse?
He knew the town backwards.

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