Blonde Jokes - 3

A blonde girl came running to her father in tears. He asked her what was the matter. "You gave me some bad financial advice," she said. Upset, her dad asked what it was. "You told me to place all my money in a major financial institution and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about?" said her dad. "It is one of the largest banks in the world. Surely there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," said the blonde. "They just returned one of my cheques with a note saying, 'No Funds'."

A fat blonde is put on a diet by her doctor who tells her: "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"That's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods: "But I thought. I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger?" said the doctor.
"No, from skipping," replied the blonde.

A secretary is crying her eyes out at work one morning. Her boss notices and asks sympathetically: "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies: "I've just had a phone call saying my father has passed away."
The boss is very understanding and tells the young girl to take the rest of the day off and go home. But the blonde claims she'd rather work to take her mind off the bad news. Later the boss checks on his secretary and is appalled to see she is hysterical. He rushes over and asks: "What s wrong now!"
The blonde says: "I've just spoken to my sister and her father has died too!"

A ventriloquist is touring the country and is performing in a small club. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his dumb blonde joke routine when a blonde in the fourth row stands starts shouting: "I've heard enough. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
"What does hair colour have to do with your worth as a person? Guys like you keep women like me from being respected and reaching our full potential." The ventriloquist is embarrassed and starts to apologise, when the blonde yells: "You stay out of this pal! I'm talking to that little guy on your knee!"

A blonde is on holiday in the depths of Louisiana. She wants a pair of genuine alligator shoes but doesn't want to pay the high prices in the local shops. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde says: "I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper says: "Be my guest. Maybe you'll catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde heads for the swamps, to catch herself an alligator. Later that day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the blonde standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the bank. Lying nearby are several more dead alligators. The shopkeeper watches in amazement as the blonde flips the alligator on its back.
Frustrated, she shouts out: "Oh no, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

When the blonde heard about the man who rowed across the Atlantic ocean single-handed she said, "Why didn't he use both hands?"

When the blonde was baking a cake and it said on the recipe to separate two eggs, she put one in the kitchen and one in the dining room.

A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and said, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde yelled at the doctor... "I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!"

A blonde walks into a hardware store, and is looking for a new television. The store assistant approaches her and says, "I'm sorry madam, but we don't serve blondes." So she goes home and dyes and cuts her hair. She goes back to the store, and asks the assistant, "I'd like to buy this television please". The store assistant replies, "sorry madam, we don't serve blondes." "How did you know?" she said.
"Because that is a microwave, not a television!"

This blonde girl was at a vending machine. She would stick a quarter in, push the button, and a soda would come out and she would put it on the top.
She did this a few more times before a man asked why she kept doing this, and she said, "Because im winning."