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Jokes about Animals - 1

Here is our selection of funny jokes about animals.

This is page 1 of 4.

What type of bird flies through the jungle singing opera?
The parrots of Penzance.


What do healthy cows like to eat for breakfast?
Moosli.


What happens if a chimp falls over and twists an ankle?
He gets a monkey wrench.


Two dogs walking through the woods, both get caught in bear traps. One dog says, "We need to chew off a leg to get loose." The other dog says no way. First dog chews off his leg, goes in to town, gets patched up by the vet, and comes back a few days later. The other dog is still in the trap. The first dog says, "You need to chew off your leg to get loose." The other dog says, "I already chewed off three legs and I still ain't free."


"Oh, what a lovely cow!" exclaimed the young woman from the city. "But why doesn't it have any horns?" "There are many reasons," said the farmer. "Some cows don't have them until later in life. Others have them removed, while other breeds are born without them. But this cow doesn't have any horns because it's a horse.


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A duck walks into a 7-11 and asks for some chapstick.
The cashier says will that be cash or charge?
Duck says "Just put in on my bill!"


A mother skunk was always in a panic because she couldn't keep track of her two tiny ones. One was named Out and the other In. When Out was in, In was out. One day she saw Out but couldn't find In. She told Out to go out and bring In in. In about twenty seconds, Out brought In in. Surprised, the mother skunk asked, "How did you find him so fast?"
The tiny skunk answered, "It was easy...In stinct!"


While taking a long drink at a pond, an elephant happened to glance up and spot a giant snapping turtle lazing on a nearby stone. It's eyes narrowing, the elephant lumbered over and wacked the turtle repeatedly with his trunk. And, for good measure, he raised a foot delicatedly and squashed the turtle flat with a mighty stomp.
A zebra, passing by, saw this attack, and approached the elephant with intention to investigate. He arrived just as the elephant was shaking his paw disdainfully to dislodge the remnants of the turtle.
"Why did you do such a such a vile deed?", neighed the zebra.
"This is the same animal that bit the tip of my trunk over 8 years ago!"
"How can you be so certain?", inquired the zebra, "you would need to have an infallible memory!"
Raising it's head proudly, the elephant said, "Turtle recall!"


When her favorite bull was accidentally shot, the cow rationalized the situation by thinking that to err is human, but to forgive, bovine.


Did you hear about the sheepdog trials?
Three of the dogs were found guilty.


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