Bars & Bartender Jokes & Funny Stories - 2

A man stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard days work to relax. He noticed a man next to him ordered a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket. This continued several times before the man's curiosity got the best of him. He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual, why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer"?
The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts looking good, I'm heading home"!

A man goes into a bar and orders three martinis. The bartender is curious and asks why. The man says: "I used to go out for a drink each evening with my brother and sister who have since moved away. This makes me feel closer to them."
The man comes into the bar several nights in a row and does the same thing. However, one night he comes in and only orders two drinks. The bartender is concerned. "Gee," he says, "it's none of my business but I hope nothing happened to your brother or sister."
"Oh, no," the guy replies, "I quit drinking."

A guy walks into a bar for the first time, and he's sitting around drinking. Some of the other customers are telling jokes. One of them says "Seventeen" and the other customers all roar with laughter. A little later, another of them says "Thirty-Two" and again, they all laugh and holler. Well, the new guy can't figure out what's going on, so he asks one of the locals next to him "What're these guys doing?" The local says "Well, they've been hangin' around together so long they all know all the same jokes, so to save extra talking they've given them all numbers." The new guy says "That's really clever! I think I'll try it." So he stands up and says in a loud voice "Nineteen!" Silence everybody just looks at him, but nobody laughs. Embarrassed, he sits down again, and asks the local fellow "What happened? Why didn't anyone laugh?" The local says "Well, son, you just didn't tell it right..."

I was drinking in a bar last night when a termite crawled up to me and asked: "Is the bar tender here?"